Serene Dominic presents… P@RN!

How many times have you watched VH1’s Where Are they Now or Behind the Music and heard a formerly popular hair farmer band member decry, “Things were going great- till that Nirvana came along and chased us off the radio”? Jack Prisston, lead guitarist of Satyrn, is one such disgruntled curmudgeon. But he didn’t waste time grumbling. He simply stopped using conditioner, traded in his spandex for flannel and formed P@RN, a band whose first order of business was to record this grungy rocker about a guy with a good work ethic who became even thriftier since his high consumption girlfriend left.

In those pre-internet days it was possible to fool some of the kids some of the time. If slackers didn’t pay attention to the pro-work force lyrics, the mere turning up at a P@RN show made it abundantly clear that this geezerfest was not your little brother’s grunge. The phrase “Wait? Aren’t you the guys from Satyrn?” was usually followed by “Hey! This dude’s got hair plugs” and that was followed by a refund-demanding rush at the box office. Prisston maintains that “P@RN was way ahead of its time, at least by a few months. Unfortunately we were also way misunderstood, especially by you guys in the press. And by the way, the band’s name’s pronounced “pat-tern” not “porn,” dipshit!”

Ten years earlier this BONUS B-SIDE OF DUBIOUS DISTINCTION would surely have been an a-side, a fact that hadn’t been lost on Jack Prisston. “We were signed to some ‘phantom indie’ label, you know, pretending not to be in the business of making money and slurring all our words to sound disinterested. Finally, after we’d cut the bulk of the album, I went up to the folks at Maggot and said, you know, when are we going to cut the radio ballad? They looked at me like someone watching color TV for the first time, like they never heard the word before. I mean, how are we going to bang any chicks on the road singing about syringe needles and cold compresses all the time? So they let us cut “I’m Your Creation” which got a lot of play at strip clubs and pizzerias but nothing on MTV. They buried it on a CD single behind every conceivable alternate radio mix of “Tight Wad”. P@RN’s followup album Arm Us Fetus tanked but Prisston refuses to blame its anti abortion message for its failure. “MTV pretty much dropkicked grunge for electronica by then and so we changed our name to Test P@RN for a few months but by then the nostalgia pendulum was swinging back Satyrn’s way so we said fuck this pocket calculator shit and took the hair extensions out of storage.”

Download “Tight Wad”/”I’m Your Creation here!”

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